


JohnCroft ficlet: Sexual inventory

by Readingfanfics



Series: Prompts [29]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Insecurity, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, bad body image, some sexy times and fluff, talking and negociating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-10
Updated: 2017-06-10
Packaged: 2018-11-05 20:46:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11021277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Readingfanfics/pseuds/Readingfanfics
Summary: It's the first time John stays over at Mycroft's house. It's 4 AM and Mycroft still hasn't gone to bed, John wants to know why.





	JohnCroft ficlet: Sexual inventory

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SincerelyChaos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SincerelyChaos/gifts).



 

“Mycroft? It's four in the morning, why haven't you come to bed yet?”

 

Mycroft startles just a little by John's voice, his hand twitching above the keyboard because of it. John steps closer, his face in a frown as he notices the way Mycroft reacted.

 

“You didn't forget I was here did you? I know it's the first time I'm staying over...”

 

Mycroft shakes his head before John can finish his sentence. Of course he hasn't forgotten John is here. The fact that John is here, staying the night, in his bed, is very much on the forefront of his mind. It's the reason he can't seem to fall asleep, let alone go into the bedroom. He hears John step closer, leaning against his desk and Mycroft's body flames up as he smells John.

 

“I didn't forget you John. I'm just- busy.”

 

He hates the harshness of his voice, the cold tone within it but John doesn't flinch. He just keeps standing here, crossing his arms over his chest, giving Mycroft a reminder of how strong the man is. Compact and strong. The idea of John using that strength on him makes his face flame up and he looks straight at his laptop, not taking in anything as his mind fills up with everything he wants John to do to him.

 

“And you need to be busy at four in the morning? I'm sure the world can go on spinning without you for a few hours love. Come to bed.”

 

Mycroft shivers at the petname and John reaches out slowly, placing a hand on his shoulder, leaning forward just a little.

 

“If you can't fall asleep I have some ideas to make that happen.”

 

A hint of desire in John's voice, his breath warm near his ear and he shivers again, body ready to burst. He wants to answer, maybe just nod his head but he can't. His whole body feels glued to the chair as the seconds pass by and Mycroft hates himself even more as John leans back, taking his hand of Mycroft's shoulder.

 

“Do you want me to leave Mycroft?”

 

He's finally able to look at John, seeing the hurt in his eyes as he creates even more space, his eyes going over the bookshelves behind him.

 

“You could have just said no when I suggested the idea in the first place.”

 

Anger in John's voice and Mycroft flinches a little, his hand trembling lightly as he takes them away from his laptop, placing them on the desk. He wants to speak out, tell John what's on his mind but the words are just stuck, his tongue too hard to move.

 

“Fine, I'm going.”

 

By the time Mycroft is back to himself John has turned and just closed the door of the bedroom with a bit more force then necessary. He hears movement on the other side and panic rises as he realises what John is doing. He can't leave!

 

Before he knows it he's up, running to the door, opening it wide and almost stumbling into John's body.

 

“Oi! Watch out!”

 

John grabs him by the arms, holding him steady and he blinks a few times, feeling how warm John is against him. He looks down, starring at John's naked chest before his eyes scan the bedroom, seeing the overnight bag on the bed, John's pyjama top on the floor, his jumper next to it.

 

“Don't leave!”

 

It's too desperate and too loud and his face flames up, embarrassed by his outburst. John keeps hold of him, his grip a little lighter as he looks into Mycroft's face, confusing and irritation in his blue eyes.

 

“What's going on Mycroft? You've been acting weird all evening. If you don't want to do this anymore then you-”

 

He stops John with a kiss, slamming into his body with force, his mouth taking control over John's. John moans, arms moving around him, pressing them closer and Mycroft can't stop kissing John, tongue finding John's, moaning as he feels John's body against his. He can't seem to think anymore, all that's left is John and the way he feels and tastes but then John breaks off the kiss, taking a step back but still touching Mycroft's arm.

 

“I. Mycroft. Why? What's wrong Mycroft? Please tell me.”

 

John's other hand finds his and they interlace their fingers. He swallows, trying to push down the panic as he looks at John, eyes going up and down his naked chest, taking in all the beauty.

 

“I want to have sex with you.”

 

He hears John's intake of breath and his cheeks flame up, seeing the desire in John's eyes as they go up and down his body. His hand trembles again and John squeezes it, a tiny smile on his face.

 

“That's good cause I want to have sex with you too.”

 

John moves forward, pressing their lips together and Mycroft lets out a sigh, John's hand go up and down Mycroft's arms, stroking them, stepping closer in the embrace. John's tongue makes Mycroft crazy, letting out a deep moan as John bites his bottom lip before his mouth goes to Mycrof's neck.

 

Gooseflesh forms as John licks and sucks his neck, hands going to the front of his shirt, opening up the buttons. He curses as John bites down hard, grinding their bodies together and John licks the spot before looking up, a smug look on his face.

 

“Like that love? What else do you like?”

 

John whispers, pushing his groin against Mycroft's leg and Mycroft gasps as he feels the hardness there. John's hands work fast, opening the rest of Mycroft's shirt, exposing his skin.

 

“I'm already hard for you Mycroft. Feel it?” John pushes again and Mycroft moans, hands grabbing John's arse. “All for you love. Let's get this off, I need to see you.”

 

The words ring off inside Mycroft's head and all his eagerness, want and lust are gone. He freezes up, heart plummeting to his belly and he sees the worry in John's eyes, his hands hovering on the edges of Mycroft's shirt.

 

“Mycroft?”

 

He shakes his head, grabbing his shirt and trying to close it, not able to look at John. The light in the room is too bright, too revealing and he turns his back, wanting to run. Of course John is faster, stepping in front of the door, holding up his hands and Mycroft lets out a snarl, feeling trapped and vulnerable.

 

“Mycroft! Breath! Dammit Mycroft!”

 

He feels strong arms wrap around him and he starts to struggle, letting out a scream of frustration but John holds on, pushing him backwards till his legs hit the bed and he falls on top of it. John crawls over his body, keeping him in place as he whispers words into his ear and it's only then that he realises how much he's shaking, how raw his throat feels, how is eyes sting. John lays on top of him, the pressure making his body relax and after a while his breathing turns back to normal, his cheeks wet with tears.

 

“Shht love, it's all right. Shhht baby, breath for me. Shht Mycroft, I'm right here.”

 

John keeps whispering near his ear, holding Mycroft's hands locked, his body giving warmth and pressure as Mycroft just lays there, trying to breath normal, really focusing on it and counting how long it takes from inhale to exhale, over and over again.

 

“Mycroft?”

 

John moves, trying to catch his gaze but Mycroft closes his eyes, the shame of all that just happened hitting him hard. It's almost enough to make him panic again but then John pressing a gentle kiss on his cheek and he turns his head without thinking. Another kiss on his noise, his other cheek, his forehead to stop on his lips. It's filled with love and care and Mycroft feels himself melt into the bed, letting John give him little pecks on his lips, a hint of tongue and teeth.

 

“Open your eyes for me love. Please?”

 

It takes courage but he does, seeing John stare into his eyes, scanning his face as he gives him a soft smile. There is still worry set in his brow but he lets go of Mycroft's hands, sitting up with his legs either side of Mycroft.

 

“John, I.”

 

John shakes his head, placing one finger over Mycroft's lips before taking the edges of his shirt and closing them, hiding his chest from view.

 

“Better?”

 

“John, you don't-”

 

“Mycroft, just answer the damn question.”

 

A sliver of command in that line and Mycroft nods his head, looking away as he takes a deep breath. He doesn't want to discuss it but he also knows John deserve an explanation.

 

“Please don't be ashamed Mycroft.” John whispers as he takes Mycrofts chin, probing him to look back. “Never be ashamed with me.” He leans down to place another kiss on Mycroft's lips and Mycroft wants to turn them, pin John underneath him, kiss him senseless and then have John move inside him but there's one thing holding him back.

 

“I don't want you to see me naked.”

 

He closes his eyes for a second and when he opens them John is watching him with confusion, hands placed on Mycroft's chest.

 

“I want to have sex with you but not- not with the lights on.”

 

He needs to sit up, try to have some sense of dignity left and he moves, John crawling off him, his face still questioning.

 

“Mycroft, I. Why?”

 

“Isn't it obvious?” He can't keep the snark out of his voice, pulling at his shirt angrily when John just shakes his head. He sees John reaching out and he stands up, looking down at John, his voice too harsh and frantic.

 

“I'm ugly John! I don't want you to see me naked. It's really not space science.”

 

He's about to leave for the second time that night when John takes his hand, pulling him back hard, turning him around and Mycroft feels a flicker of something dark and warm inside him as John looks at him, eyes raging with fury.

 

“Stop running away Mycroft! What the hell are you talking about?! Ugly, how could you possible say that?!”

 

“I can say that because I know what I look like!”

 

“Then clearly you haven't looked close enough!”

 

“John!”

 

“NO MYCROFT!” John's face is flushed, the grip around Mycroft's wrist too tight but Mycroft barely notices it. He's furious, this isn't some teenage girl wanting to cause drama, thinking she's not good enough. Mycroft knows the facts, he knows how he looks without clothes and it's not nearly as spectacular as John seems to think it will be.

 

“Let go of me.” Mycroft looks down and John lets go, shock in his eyes as he sees the redness around Mycroft's wrist. “ I'm not being dramatic John. I've never been in the best shape, I hardly get any exercise done and just a glass of water adds onto me.”

 

He rubs his wrist and sees the guilt in John's eyes so he waves it off. He's had worse.

 

“I have scars all over my body, some caused by others but most by myself. I know,” Mycroft holds up a hand as John is about to protest.” I know you have scars too but those are to be proud of, they stand for what you did, what you did for your country. Mine are nothing like that.”

He looks away for a second, trying to stop the images from coming into his mind.

 

“I hadn't expected this.” He looks back to John again, taking in his half naked body, the frustrated glare in those beautiful eyes and sighs, running a hand through his hair.

 

“When this started I was sure it was just a phase, something to distract you from your life, someone to replace Sherlock when he was gone. “

 

“MYCROFT!”

 

“Then Sherlock came back and you were still by my side. I couldn't believe it. Yes, you were furious at him, at us, but you came back.”

 

He looks at John, giving him a small smile but John doesn't return it, if anything he seems even more angry, a spark of panic filling Mycroft's body. Maybe he shouldn't have said anything but he did and now he needs to explain it all.

 

“You stayed, even when Sherlock was back, you stayed and I couldn't figure it out. Maybe it was anger, denial, punishment. A way to make Sherlock jealous, to get Sherlock to act on his feelings but you seems happy with me. With us.”

 

“Whenever we kissed you seemed to enjoy it, showing all the signs of arousal and I just. I didn't understand. Clearly Sherlock was the better choice, he's younger, more beautiful, more fit and lean. But you always wanted more.”

 

He can't stop the frown on his face, he still can't believe John is around after all this time. He's not the easiest man to be with, working too much and too long, having to go all over the world for long stretches of time. It's a reason why they haven't had much sex yet, between his job and John's busy life they don't see each other much.

 

“Whenever I was away you kept contact, saying you missed me and wanted to be close to me. I couldn't understand why. Someone like you, so beautiful and perfect, wanting to spend time with me, let alone be close to me, sleep with me.”

 

He starts pacing again, trying to find the right words, counting his steps as he goes. It's easier this way, walking back and forth, looking down at the ground, not having to see all of John's thoughts and emotions. He can still feel the frustration and tension in the air, how close John is and he wants to reach out, wants to feel him but instead he keeps pacing.

 

“When you suggested spending the night I was terrified. Clearly this meant something to you, to us and I do want you.” He stops, turning to John, willing himself to step closer and keep eyecontact, this is too important to get wrong. “I want to have sex with you John. This has nothing to do with you, I want you inside me, I long for you but I also know you like making love with the lights on. It was clear early on, just a hint of irritation when I switch off the lights. There is a reason I only initiated when it was late at night John.”

 

It wasn't just the fact that he had long work days. It seemed safer to start sex when it was late at night, easier for Mycroft to crawl under the covers, to flick of the lights. It's why there were awake now, at four in the morning cause Mycroft had been terrified of going to bed. Terrified that when John saw his body he'd run for the hills.

 

“I understand if you want to leave now John, I know you didn't sign up for broken goods.”

 

“That's enough Mycroft!”

 

He startles by John's command voice, seeing the hardness on his face, the tightness of his mouth and for a second, just a second, he's sure John is going to punch him. His hands are perfectly still, body ready to fight and he has to stop himself from flinching when John walks up closer, crowding his space, demanding Mycroft's attention.

 

“I don't want to hear this anymore Mycroft. You really think you're ugly. You really think you're not good enough for me? That I would leave you just because of this? Yes, I like having sex with the lights on, I like seeing and admiring my lovers body but it's not a demand Mycroft. I would never force you into that. Jesus, why didn't you say something sooner? We should have talked about this before we ever did anything else then kiss.”

 

John lets out a frustrated sigh, puffing his chest up.

 

“If you need the lights off to be more secure then fine, let's do that but I will not let you believe you are ugly. I won't let you believe I find you ugly. You don't think that right?!”

 

Mycroft shakes his head, he knows John finds him attractive, he just can't believe why.

 

“I find you gorgeous Mycroft, you push every one of my buttons. Tall, lean, handsome, a tight arse, your freckles. God, those drive me wild! I won't lie, I want to see you underneath me, sweaty and lost for words, covered in my lovemarks, seeing how they stand up against your pale skin. And I don't mind scars Mycroft, they tell stories and I want to know all about you, even the bad parts, the nasty parts. The parts you're ashamed of, I have them too, we all do.”

 

John reaches out his hand, stroking Mycroft's cheek and he leans in, dropping his head a little.

 

“I love you Mycroft, body and soul. The idea of you finding yourself ugly is heartbreaking. And no, you are not a replacement for Sherlock, get that out of your head right now.”

 

He grabs hold of Mycroft's head, pulling him down and kissing him deeply, it's full of aggression and lust and Mycroft moans, wanting more, wanting it to last.

 

“I don't want Sherlock, I want you. I've always wanted you, from the first moment we met I wanted to tear that suit off you and make you beg. That hasn't changed love. I'll _always_ want you.”

 

Mycroft shivers as John licks the shell of his ear, hand palming his cock. It makes him gasp in shock and John uses it to kiss him again, sliding their tongues together, making Mycroft lightheaded.

 

“You're everything I've ever wanted and you're beautiful. You need to know that, you're gorgeous to me Mycroft. Anyone who says otherwise is an idiot and I'll kill them.”

 

Mycroft lets out a huff and John wraps his arms around Mycroft's waist, pushing them close.

 

“I mean it, you're stunning and I'm not going anywhere. I want to make love to you Mycroft, lights on or off, whatever you want. I'll show you how beautiful I find you, show you how much I adore you. Will you let me Mycroft?” John licks Mycroft's neck, the same spot as before and Mycroft's knees buckle.

 

“Let me worship you Mycroft.” John sucks at his neck and Mycroft growls, hands grabbing John's arse. John growls as he feels Mycroft's cock against his groin, pushing forward a little before leaning back, eyes full with desire.

 

“John I-” His words get stuck, eyes going up to the ceiling where the light is harsh and unforgiving. He's about to say something when suddenly the rooms goes dark. He hears John move, a silent curse as he hits something and then the room is cast in a soft glow.

 

“I do want to see your face when I kiss you Mycroft. Is this okay?”

 

John gestured to the lamp, covered with one of Mycroft's handkerchiefs and he feels a spark of gratitude go over him as he looks up at John. It's enough to see each other but not too bright or revealing. He feels his eyes sting and blinks hard, swallowing down the lump in his throat.

 

“Love?”

 

“It's p-perfect. I- I know I'm being d-difficult, I'd understand if you want to, want to-”

 

He blushes as he hears himself stumble to get the words out, it's been years since this has happened and he bites his lip to will himself to speak normal. He's spend years trying to overcome his stutter and it frustrates him that it's showing up now of all times, when he's already being so abnormal.

 

He startles a little when John's hands cup his face, a kind smile on his face before leaning forward, placing a kiss on Mycroft's lips as he strokes his cheeks.

 

“I'm not leaving. Not now, not ever. We'll make this work love, anything you need okay.”

 

He nods his head and John gives him a full on, 200% bright smile.

 

_He could burn cities with that._ It's the last coherent thought Mycroft has. Soon he's holding onto the sheets, arching his back as he moans out John's name, feeling John inside him, moving more frantic and heated, swear making his broad chest glow, the scar standing out even more. He's beautiful, a fierce god and they lock eyes as they come, calling out each other's name, seeing the love and desire in John's eyes.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This ficlet came to live because of an inventory I found thanks to Sincerly Chaos. (That's why I'm gifting it to you Chaos, but you don't need to read it if the pairing is not your cup of tea.) It's a way to talk more easily about sex and all that comes with it and figure out what is a yes, no or maybe for each person. You can find it here; http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/yes_no_maybe_so_a_sexual_inventory_stocklist
> 
> This ficlet is about: Being completety naked with a partner with the lights on. ( My take on it.) Hope you enjoy and see you soon.


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